Published for National Infertility Awareness Week by Fairfax EggBank
The path to parenthood is rarely linear, especially for those navigating infertility. During National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW), we take time to recognize the full emotional journey—including the quiet, often misunderstood feelings that can come with third-party reproduction.
One of those feelings is grief—specifically, the grief that comes from letting go of a genetic connection to your future child. Often called genetic grief or genetic mourning, it’s a valid and deeply personal part of the process for many intended parents.
Genetic grief refers to the emotional experience of processing the loss of having a biologically related child. For individuals and couples who turn to donor eggs, this can feel like grieving a version of parenthood they once expected: a child with their eyes, their laugh, or their family’s genetic traits.
It’s a unique kind of loss—one that may not be outwardly visible but carries real weight. And it deserves recognition.
We often grow up with assumptions about how our families will take shape. When infertility challenges those expectations, the need to reevaluate our vision of parenthood can be painful. Using donor eggs may offer incredible hope—but it can also require letting go of the dream of a genetically related child.
That emotional shift can bring up feelings of sadness, guilt, fear, or even anger. These reactions are entirely natural, especially after years of fertility treatments, loss, or uncertainty. It’s possible to feel confident in your decision to use donor eggs while still needing time and space to grieve.
Experiencing grief during this process doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. In fact, many intended parents—regardless of gender, relationship status, or family structure—struggle with the loss of genetic ties.
That even includes those who feel sure about their decision to use an egg donor. It’s possible (and common) to feel both sadness and excitement at the same time. Holding space for these complex emotions is a vital part of the journey.
It’s important to know that others have walked this road too. Their stories, and their eventual joy, can offer perspective and hope.
There is no single way to process grief, but here are a few ways many intended parents have found helpful:
It’s entirely possible to grieve the genetic connection you imagined and still feel overwhelming love for the child who’s meant to be yours. Genetic ties may be part of a story, but they don’t define the bond between parent and child.
As you navigate this complex journey, know that genetic grief is not a weakness or an uncommon part of the process—it’s part of the strength you carry forward on your path to parenthood.
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